Role Conflicts: When Expectations Clash in Relationships & Work
- Elena Padurariu
- Mar 19
- 2 min read
As a therapist, I often see how conflicting expectations create tension—whether in romantic relationships or the workplace. We all step into roles with assumptions about what we and others “should” do. But when these expectations aren’t clearly communicated, misunderstandings, frustration, and resentment can build.
Last weekend, at a Communication and Conflict management seminar, I reflected on how many of the conflicts I see in my clients stem not from bad intentions, but from differing, unspoken, or unclear expectations.
Role Conflicts in Couples: “I Thought It Is Obvious”
Many couples assume they are on the same page—until they realize they’re not. The biggest expectation mismatches I see in therapy involve:
Managing Finances – One partner expects joint financial decisions, while the other assumes independence in spending.
Time with Extended Family – One sees frequent visits as essential, while the other feels overwhelmed or obligated.
Balancing Personal and Family Time – One expects uninterrupted couple time, while the other prioritizes kids, friends, or personal hobbies.
Household Responsibilities – One partner assumes tasks should be split equally, while the other unconsciously follows traditional roles.
Where conflict arises:
We assume that our way is the best way. Especially in couples coming from different cultural and religious backgrounds, there could be lots of differences in expectations.
Couples who regularly take time to discuss expectations rather than assume them, tend to have healthier dynamics. Instead of waiting for frustration to build, checking in regularly can make a difference:
“How do you feel about how we divide responsibilities?”
“What’s important to you when it comes to family time?”
Role Conflicts at Work: “This Isn’t What I should have on my desk!”
At work, mismatched expectations often lead to stress, disengagement, and burnout. Clients frequently share struggles like:
Too Many Responsibilities Beyond Their Role – Expected to do extra work without clear recognition or compensation.
Unclear Prioritization – Juggling multiple tasks but unsure which one matters most.
Lack of Personal Control – Wanting more autonomy but being pushed from meeting to meeting.
Where conflict arises:
I often hear that due to restructuring, employees get more and more on their plate without being asked about it. As the plate gets fuller, the problem with setting priorities becomes higher, and the feeling of a never-ending working day increases.
Workplace harmony improves when expectations are clearly communicated. If you’re feeling stuck, try:
Ask your manager, “What are the top priorities right now?”
Setting boundaries, “I can take on X, but I’ll need to delegate Y.”
Seeking clarity, “How much flexibility do I have over how I complete this task?”
My learning from the Communication and Conflict Management Seminar?
It was a confirmation of my own hypotheses that some conflicts aren’t about personality differences—they’re about misaligned expectations.
In couples, it’s often unspoken assumptions about roles and responsibilities.
At work, it’s often a gap between what employees want and what employers expect.
The solution? Start talking about your expectations. With clarity, communication, and mutual understanding, you have a better chance to avoid conflicts around roles. The more we talk openly about our expectations, the less likely we are to feel frustrated, taken for granted, or misunderstood.
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