What if burnout isn’t just about work? What if it’s about self-esteem?
By Mag. Elena Padurariu · · 2 min read
As a therapist, I rarely see burnout as a simple result of an increasing workload.
That’s a one-sided perspective that leaves out the power of the person experiencing it. As if we have no agency in how much we take on.
In my work, I meet people who:
- Don’t trust themselves to set boundaries around their time and energy.
- They are driven by perfectionistic standards, and nothing seems to be good enough.
- Rely on external validation to feel worthy and fail to give themselves praise and credit for what they achieved.
- Don't have a reliable system for a wind-down routine, and often have no work-life boundaries.
- They often criticize themselves for not meeting the high standards they impose on themselves.
Hearing these experiences over and over made me realize something important:
High stress and self-esteem are often strongly connected.
We feed our self-esteem with the results of our work. We build our worth on positive outcomes and praise from others. And as soon as we achieve those successes, we immediately move on to the next target, often missing the ability to enjoy what has been achieved.
These aren’t just work habits. They are self-esteem dynamics.
Nathaniel Branden, in The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, described how practices like self-acceptance, self-responsibility, and self-assertiveness are essential for psychological health.
When those pillars are weak, we see:
- Perfectionism replaces self-acceptance.
- People-pleasing replaces self-assertiveness.
- External validation replaces self-responsibility.
The result? Stress, exhaustion, and eventually, burnout. And the cycle continues: the more stressed we are, the weaker our performance. The weaker our performance, the less we believe in ourselves, so we have to do more to prove our value.
Getting out of this cycle requires asking ourselves:
- What am I trading off when I invest this much in work and base my self-esteem on others' judgment of my work?
- How do I start offering myself the validation I need to feel satisfied with my working performance?
Once we start balancing external validation with internal validation, we have the option to assert ourselves and increase our sense of agency and control over our worklife.
